I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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