It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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