Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize