I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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