i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
