I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
