Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
