i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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