Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize