In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
