I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
