An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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