I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
