apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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