What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
