First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
