Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
