in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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