She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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