Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
