saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
