ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
