would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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