I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
