Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
