There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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