If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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