i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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