ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
