tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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