Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
