I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
