I'm really into asian looking animals
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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