I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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