I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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