You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
