Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
