I think my fart just growled at me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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