ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
