please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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