so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
