sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
