just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
