I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
