I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
