i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
