Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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