i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
