thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
