If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
