The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
