it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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