Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
