why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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