does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
