well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Help. Why am I so naked?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
