Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
