When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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